tala @ so-phobic

Napaisip ako dahil dun sa comment ni Joey about my rant. Oo nga naman, napaka-high school/college-y ng rant ko. Palibhasa balik buhay student. May work rants ba akong na-post before? I prolly didn’t blog about my (ex) parlor fag boss (to quote my cute gay officemate: A disgrace to faghood) and my biatch officemates (biatcher than me?!) because they knew I kept a blog and I didn’t want the hassle of office politics in the event that they read my blog. I wasn’t using WordPress nor LJ back then, so there was no way to password-protect entries. I was new to the whole corporate scene so I decided to behave myself, though it was against every fiber of my being Look at what happened to Joyce Park, formerly of Friendster. She got canned because she blogged. Pfft.

Even when I was at Blogger, I kept a journal for things that can’t be published on the web - at least, those without password protection. After reading Joey’s comment, I decided to browse through my old journal. It’s all there - how nervous I was for the first job interview that I had no idea what I was saying to the HR. My hands were clammy, and for the first time, they weren’t gesturing while I was talking. I kept them clasped on my lap because I was shaking, partly from the freezing cold aircon and from nervousness. I wanted to barf right after the interview. :barf: Contrary to what others perceive, I’m not a people-person. As much as possible,I don’t like interacting with people I don’t know. I have this quirk of identifying which person I want to get to know more in a crowd. I hate small talk and I feel very uncomfortable when I am forced to mingle with people who don’t interest me. Ang taray ba? So I took the job that let me sit in a cubby and interact with my computer. Thoroughly antisocial. But not totally oblivious to the world. For some reason, I was a chismis magnet at the office. Maybe since I didn’t really mingle with everyone, people thought I could be trusted with their chismis? Who was having an affair with that married exec from this department, which officemate was shacking up with another, which exec was being courted by a rival company yadda yadda. Gawd, I’d be rich by now if I got paid for the information imparted to me.

I took the first chance I got to go back to school. I wasn’t ready for the corporate world. Some say I wasn’t ready for the real world. Siguro nga. Too scared to step out of the womb daw. Sometimes, when I’m trying to catch a project deadline and my code just won’t compile, I think about my batchmates and where they are now and I feel like I’ve been left behind. They’re adults now. Some are married (or about to), some have kids. And here I am reading code line by line, cursing at myself, my teacher, whoever. One more year and then hopefully, I’ll start to catch up.

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